Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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