dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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