Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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