it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
