Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
