Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
bring money and cleavage
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
