Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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