last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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