she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
