That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just invented taco cereal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
