If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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