You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
