drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
