I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
