HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize