God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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