Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Welp...herpes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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