my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
