I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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