I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
