Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize