Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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