The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He felt like a one man threesome
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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