You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
