I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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