the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
