I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
