I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
