More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
