yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
