me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
