Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
