my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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