You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
