oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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