Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
