I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
