I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
