Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
