just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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