I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
