i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
