What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
