So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
