She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
