Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Houston, we have a squirter
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
