1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
