so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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