somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize