you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
