btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
