im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
40s are totally the cure
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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