He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
