Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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