If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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