Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
