Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
