i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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