My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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