I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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