worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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