I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
