he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
