honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
