is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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